Postin' Up on Memphis' Best Patios

It's patio season, dipwad

Ah, it's that glorious time of year again in Memphis where we find ourselves in that very small grey area between skin-melting heat and wet, bone-chilling cold: hey, it's autumn!  The temperature is perfect, the leaves are changing, and the sky and sunsets are remarkable.  No, I'm not going to write you an effing haiku here; calm down.  I just want to take a moment appreciate the perfect patio season.


Patios and autumn go together like the Kardashians and poor decision-making (maybe you prefer peas and carrots?), and Memphis has plenty of options for the outdoor enthusiast.  Just yesterday I was patio-ing with some friends of mine.  We patio hopped, in fact.  Now, I would like you to understand that there is not a patio in the Greater Memphis area that I have not sat on for at least a cold one.  I am what I would consider a patio pro.  However, I am quite persnickety about my perches; there are plenty of variables involved in my selections.  

First, if I am eating (which, let's face it, I usually am) then the food has to be something I can snack on for a while.  I'm on a patio and it's gorgeous out, people... I plan on squatting there, taking my time, and throwing a few back. duh.  This brings me to criteria two, which is a reasonable bar menu.  Now when I say reasonable, I mean reasonably priced and with good selection.  Nothing ruins a patio perch like a crappy, domestics-only beer menu or a $20 martini.  Third, don't make me wait.  There are a few patio restaurants out there that treat the patio partiers like the red-headed stepchild of a patron.  Well, sorry for partying, and sorry I'm not sorry.  I get it, you're job is tough and my friend Nick is spilling his beer and ripping off his pearl snap shirt, but you're discriminating, and we aren't too loaded to notice you ignoring us so you can go smoke your umpteenth cig.


So, if you guessed I have my opinions on who has the best patios in Memphis, then congrats on conjecturing the obvious and save that Harvard application for your gerbil cage.  So, here they are, starting from Harbor Town and then heading out east:

Mempho, the Beautiful

Paulette's: What was once a famed midtown restaurant, Paulette's migrated to Harbor Town, and I think it was a great move.  Why? They have a super rad view of the river from atop their second story patio.  It's small and intimate, has a fully-loaded bar, and great food is right below.  Lex, the piano man right before you go outside, will let you sit in to play or sing along if you are moved to do so (lush).  Just be warned: it is more of a date or few cocktail spot; some of the more elderly, white-collar clientele don't appreciate your indulged conversation about that donkey show in Tijuana.  


Local: Located on Main and Barboro Alley, this place has great burgers, a full bar, and a killer beer list (they carry the "big bottles" of high alcohol content beer. Holla.)  They also have a killer jukebox, friendly regulars and waitstaff, and the patio is great for people watching.  However, the patio is small, so on a nice night, get there early. 


Bon Thai:  Nestled on Peabody in midtown and adorned with white Christmas lights, this midtown favorite has one bitchin' patio.  The bar out there is huge, there's usually live music, they have chimineas AND space heaters, and their food is bomber.  Molly, the owner, is always there, and very accommodating to the inebriated (it is midtown, people).  If you're in midtown and you HAVEN'T perched on their porch, then you are so not 38104.


Cafe Ole: Owner "Big Reggie" and I have a very love/hate relationship: I love his cheap happy hour margaritas, and he hates what a loud drunk my croonies and I are.  Again, sorry I'm not sorry.  All chips and salsa aside, this patio gets rowdy.  And I mean inflatable pool party and bikini contest rowdy.  They usually have some great local talent playing on the patio and big screens inside so you can check on how badly Ole Miss is losing.

sweet life, sista

Brookhaven:  For an east Memphis hangout, this place can shake down like a frat house, especially during fall kickball season; those jokers will get LOADED out there on a Wednesday night.  They tout some great live music, good food, and a large enough space for that drunk girl trying to interpretive dance to "Freebird".  Best of luck living that one down at the office tomorrow, sister.  What's even better? The famous "Wind Jammer" is right there as a great karaoke bar option and a date night medalist.


Some of you think that your patio or back deck is sufficient, and you're boring, but right.  However, the cocktail is deal-breaker.  Want a simple yet slap-yo-momma-in-the-mouth-it's-that-good margarita recipe? You do? Well, here it is.  Stop being so needy:




UPSIDE-DOWN MARGARITAS (They'll flip ya upside down.  Clever, I know.)

12 ounces of limeade (I recommend "Simply Limeade", next to the oj at your grocers)
12 ounces of Corona (or Corona Light, you loser)
12 ounces of 7 Up (again, or the light, fatty)
12 ounces of silver tequila (pick your own poison)


You can combine this in a large pitcher or blend it with ice for frozen margs.  These bad boys have laid me out on several occasions, so, per usual, drink responsibly, dummy.
Enjoy this sublime yet fleeting weather, Memphians, and go post up on a patio.


-Stephanie