Food and Gettin Yo Freak On

FOODATIO:


Foodatio is the act of giving pleasure to your partner through the act of meal preparation.  Simultaneous foodatio (both people engaging in foodatio with each other) is assumed to maximize pleasure and increase the couple's joint sensuality.  


Love (or lust or loneliness) is in the air, and for every woman in waiting, there is a dipwad man that has failed miserably and procrastinated in preparation for the cheesiest day of the year.  A wise man once told me that Valentine's Day is a farce designed to legalize prostitution: a transfer of gifts for sex.  Gentleman, if you think your special someone is going to put out when you've forgotten to make a dinner plans for your sweetie, then you are sorely mistaken.  No woman is wooed by a lack of consideration. duh.


So the question now is,"What the eff do I do?"  Well, have no fear, because the Foodie Call Girl is here; I'm pleased to let all of you procrastinating philanderers know that preparing a good meal using quality ingredients can actually work out better than postin' up at a french restaurant and embarrassing yourself by enunciating the "t" at the end of fillet.  So is that what I am planning on tomorrow? Hell no, better not be! Are you kidding?!

Aw, look at ya!

But it is an incredible turn-on when a man can cook... and cook well.  And while grilling a piece of beef is great, preparing a sexy meal is even greater.  However, don't be an a-hole like my father by proposing that he cook, just to burn out my mother's favorite saucepan, splatter grease everywhere, pile dirty dishes in the sink and not clean a damn thing........ that doesn't exactly scream out "ROMANCE" (or even "I value my life" in that household).  Trust me, she'd rather help you in the kitchen if you are that big of a slob.  In fact, the test of true compatibly is if two people can actually work together in preparing a meal without ripping each others eyes out.  If that isn't the case, then this, theoretically, is one damn day that you can suck it up, prepare a meal, and do the dishes......In fact, have her take a nice relaxing hot bath if ya'll ain't gunna cook together.  She might want to have you for dessert.   


First of all, Valentine's Day, as we have already established, is a time to feel SEXY.  You want to eat sexy food and drink sexy wine while listening to sexy music and talking about sex (or laugh about your lack thereof).  Certain foods and beverages soliciting lusty feelings are referred to as aphrodisiacs.  These may affect hormone levels Testosterone, act as pde5 inhibitors Icariin, increase nitric oxide Citrulline, or affect neurotransmitters Dopamine...... blah blah blah...... all that means is that it is (kinda) scientifically proven that some foods can work as pantie droppers.  Some commonly-known aphrodisiacs are oysters, basil, truffles, pineapple, saffron, avocado, hot chilies, vanilla, watermelon, and red wine.


Want help with a sexy menu?  Of course you do, dummy:


Appetizer:
Fried Oysters and Saffron Aioli 
THE OYSTERS:
-12 oysters, shucked (at most grocers)
-1.5 c. flour
-tsp cayenne pepper
-tsp salt
-tsp blk pepper
-oil or shortening for pan frying

Heat 2 inches of oil in a deep saucepan or skillet to about 325 degrees.  Toss the oysters in a mixture of the flour, salt, pepper, and cayenne.  Fry until they are a golden damn brown.

THE AIOLI:
-pinch of saffron
-1 tbls boiling water
-1 egg yolk
-.5 c. olive oil
-.5 c. canola oil
-salt and pepper (to taste)
-1 lemon

In a bowl, steep the saffron in the water for one minute. Put the oils in a measuring cup. Add the egg yolk to the bowl and beat (the mixture, you creep).  Drizzle the oil in slowly while beating until the mixture starts to thicken. When all the oil has been added, add lemon juice, salt and pepper to taste.


Salad
Pineapple and Avocado Salad
-about .5 c. pineapple chunks
-1 sliced avocado
-about 2 c. spinach (or any other leafy green)
-.25 c. thinly sliced red onion
-white wine vinegar and extra virgin olive oil (dashes as dressing)
-lime wedge (optional)


If you are waiting on me to instruct you on how to toss a salad than you are sorely mistaken.


Entree
Sexy Prosciutto-Wrapped Halibut with Truffle Oil Drizzle
-2 Halibut fillets (about 7 ozs ea.)
-4 pieces of thinly-sliced prosciutto (most grocers carry in their meat depts)
-2 tbls truffle oil
-2 tbls olive oil
-2 sprigs rosemary
-salt to taste


Preheat yo' oven to 400.  While it's heating, wrap chilled halibut in prosciutto.  Drizzle wrapped fish in OLIVE OIL and cook for 5 to 8 mins (WARNING: Don't overcook! Overdone halibut be nasty, mane).  Drizzle cooked fish with truffle oil and garnish with rosemary.

lil' wine goes a long way

Notice that I didn't tell ya to make a side item.  Think about it: No girl likes to be rolling around nakey in a bed on a full stomach (you've all heard, "I'm bloated," or "I have a food baby. Ew."). So don't fill her up or make her clean her plate. Instead, buy some sexy lavender dark chocolate for dessert, serve dinner with a nice bottle of sauvignon blanc or even a light pinot noir, and you've got yoself a sexy soiree for two.


You can thank me later.  


-Stephanie