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Saturday, October 29, 2011

Feed Yourself to Fight "The Fear"

Happy Halloween, kiddos.  It's that spooky time of year again where hefty girls squeeze into spandex, everyone drinks too much beer, and you wake up with the scariest feeling of all: "THE FEAR".


THE FEAR
The sensation of, upon waking, forgetfulness and regret, usually caused by reading texts from the night before on your cellular phone (if you can find it), waking up beside a total stranger, not knowing where you parked your vehicle, lamenting the fact that you got removed from the pub for yelling at your ex, etc.  The fear is commonly followed by cold sweats and shaky hands.  See also "moral hangover"


I'll take the hottie in the middle
NOTHING is creepier than the fear; it's definitely a weekend staple.  However, on the most nerve-chilling weekend of the year, expect your fear to be tripled due to the fact you over-indulged and actually thought that the girl dressed as a cow was take-home material (she was actually supposed to be a "sexy referee").


Well, I have a cure for the fear.  That's right: it's gastro-involved.  Now put your thinking caps on, ya drunk, and sort it out: what's the best meal of the day and is weekend centric? BRUNCH.  duh.  In 1896, Punch magazine's Guy Beringer wrote an article, "Brunch:A Plea" and wrote that the term "brunch" was meant to describe a Sunday meal for "Saturday night-carousers".  Well, that sounds about right. 

Brunches now usually involve mimosas, Bloody-Marys, and some really great dishes that combine the egg, starch, and sugar factors of breakfast with the lateness and social acceptability of getting trashed during the day.  So why is this a cure?  Because when a horse bucks you, you get right back on, dummy.  Trust me: the fear will dissipate into nothing but an afternoon joke among friends, and all will be symmetric in your universe again.



So, without further ado, here are my top picks for brunch restaurants in Memphis and the Greater Memphis area:


1: The Majestic Grille- This is my favorite for 3 great reasons.  First, you order a "Majestic Mimosa" for 13 bucks, and they put a carafe of orange juice and a bottle of champagne on your table. Second, the owner, Deni Reilly, is a wonderful lady who's charm will assist in de-fearing you.  Third, the Majestic has an amazing patio right on downtown Main St, and it's a perfect location to get fresh air or watch all of the "walk-of-shamers" return to their little rocks they came under from.The food is amazing and totally reasonably priced.


2: The Beauty Shop- More girl power: owner Karen Carrier's do-wop hair salon themed restaurant, located in Cooper-Young, houses a mean Bloody-Mary, great food, and, what's even better, a "regular" brunch crowd of slightly rowdy midtowners.

3: Celtic Crossing- Another midown/Cooper-Young hangout, this place has a very causal vibe, the best coffee, great beer selection, live music on the patio, and usually a game on their big screens.  What's even better? You can pick up your credit card you left at their bar the night before, ya knuckle head.



So, those are my top three.  If you care to argue, you can email me at stephanie@shutthehelluploser.com


I know what those of you close to me are thinking; "Wait a tick, Steph.  YOU make the best brunch!"  duh.  Brunch just so happens to be my jam.  I get the pleasure of combining baking and sauce making with egg poaching all in one meal.  PLUS, I get to do it with a screwdriver in hand.  Done and done.  My favorite dish to make?  Eggs Oscar, of course (and friend Kelli demands these every Sunday; you don't argue with a hungover Kelli).  


Eggs Oscar
EGGS OSCAR
What you'll need:
1/2 bushel of asparagus
4 eggs (duh)
crab meat (canned works well)
egg yolk for hollandaise (additional 2 eggs)
1/2 c. cold butter
2 english muffins
2 tblspns lemon juice


Briskly whisk egg yolk with lemon juice, adding 1/4 c. butter initially.  When the butter melts, add the second 1/4 cup. Add salt to taste.  Keep sauce on low heat.
Toast the muffins (halved) with the asparagus in a skillet on your stove top on medium heat.  I like to grease my skillet with bacon fat, but that's because I'm gangster.
Boil about 2 quarts of water.  When the pot is bubbling, gently crack the 4 eggs into it and knock down the heat to a medium or medium low heat.  For a runny eggs, only let them sit in the bath for about 2 mins.  Gently fish them out with a spatula or ladle.  Add a minute for medium egg, and so forth.
Build your Eggs Oscar by starting with the muffin base, adding asparagus over next, placing one poached egg on each half muffin.  Next, put a tablespoon sized mound of crabmeat atop the eggs, and then finish with your holladaise sauce. 

Yields for about 2 to 3 people (ie you and your shacker(s)).  Enjoy, you morally-corrupt sicko, and lose the FEAR.


-Stephanie