EVERYDAY I'M TRUFFLIN'

TRUFFLIN'
The term used for an extreme affinity for all things "truffle".  This includes, but is not limited to, truffle oil and truffle butter.  "Trufflers" usually gravitate towards the luxurious, like eating butt-tons of caviar and bathing in Dom Perignon.  See also "Ballin".

Brit has the wrong kind of fungus on her grill

Some are not familiar with a truffle.  No, I'm not talking about the candy, you dipwad; I'm talking about the fungus.  Now Ima learn you somethin: there are hundreds of species of truffles, but some are highly prized as a food.  European and Chinese truffle harvesters use hogs and dogs to sniff out these uber expensive and very delicious fungi.  How expensive?  White truffles can go for about $1000-$2000 per pound, depending on the region.  DAYUM!  The 18th-century French gastronome Brillat-Savarin even called truffles "the diamond of the kitchen".  21st-century blogger SBeliles calls truffles "one of the only sexy fungi I can think of".  Sorry, Brit Brit.  In fact, I think it should be listed as an official aphrodisiac. 



Truffle oil is a modern culinary ingredient used to impart the flavor and aroma of these little buggers to a dish. Most truffle oils are not made from actual truffles, but are a synthetic product that combines organic aromas found in real truffles with an olive oil or grapeseed oil base.  A few more expensive oils are alleged to be made from truffles or the by-products of truffle harvesting and production, but the flavor of truffles is difficult to capture in an oil.  In fact, there is actually no such thing as true white truffle oil. White truffles do not impart their flavor well to oil over a duration. Almost everything on the market is "enhanced" (much like Vikki in Sales' chest).  Many of the cheaper black truffle oil is made in similar fashion. 

Truffles and truffle oil, son

How to buy truffle oil?  Buy top quality or you are mostly paying for a scant amount of actual "truffleness".... unless you're a rookie to truffles, and then I recommend buying a middle-of-the-road bottle and see what ya think.  Wanna know where to get some?  I get some from your mom.  Wanna know where to get some truffle oil? Well, you can start at Whole Foods (those fascists), trek through Williams-Sonoma, check Fino's in Midtown, or Valenza Pasta across the street from Fino's.  You could do as I do and getchu some off the world wide web.  Amazon is OK, but I have imparted a few links to start you off on your truffle journey. 

D'Artagnan:
http://www.dartagnan.com/51466/565754/Truffle-Butter--Oil/Black-Truffle-Oil.html

Sur La Table:
http://www.surlatable.com/search/searchContainer.jsp;jsessionid=135A15C2193CE742784D739603A4C909?q=truffle%20oil&s=true


Gilt Group (Trust me, become a member.  Put Stephanie.Beliles@yahoo.com down as a referral.)
http://www.gilttaste.com/market/pantry/truffles-specialty


So now that you have this expensive-ass oil, I reckon you are wondering what to do with it.  Well, first of all, do NOT cook with it, knucklehead.  I have made the mistake of trying to bake with it in manicotti, and the truffle aroma/taste was a bit overwhelming.  Also, if you saute with it, the flavor will burn off, and then you just used, like, 10 bucks of oil for nothing.  Instead, use it as a drizzle: put it atop a cooked pizza, pasta, or salad.  How very sexy and Italian of you!  Seriously, a nice simple Italian dish with truffle drizzle, a bottle of wine, and some Otis Redding on a cold and rainy Memphis night will most definitely get you lucky, even if it's with yo'self.   

Want a simple yet bulletproof recipe?  I thought so.


Goat Cheese and Truffle Oil Mac and Cheese

-3 tbsp butter or bacon fat... I like bacon fat
-3 tbsp flour
-3 cup whole milk, warmed
-4 oz goat cheese, crumbled
-4 oz sharp cheddar, shredded
-4 oz parmigiano reggiano
-1 tbsp fresh thyme leaves
-2 tsp fresh rosemary, minced
-1 tsp fresh chives, minced
-2-3 tbsp white truffle oil, depending on how strong you like it (and I like em strong, babay)
-1/2 cup bread crumbs
-10 oz elbow pasta

Add butter or bacon grease to a medium-sized sauce pan and place the pan on the stove over medium heat. Once all the butter is melted and hot, whisk in the flour. Whisk for about 30 seconds , just long enough to get out the raw flour taste, but not long enough for the flour to start caramelizing. Add the herbs then slowly pour in the milk while whisking continuously, so there are no lumps... at least in the mixture, perv.  While the sauce is simmering, start on the pasta.  Let the bad boys cook for about 2 minutes less than the recommended time on the box or bag.  Once the sauce has reached a simmer, stir in the goat cheese, cheddar, and 2oz of parm until all the cheese has melted.  In a mixing bowl, toss the pasta and cheese sauce together.  Pour into a deep glass or ceramic casserole pan and sprinkle the the rest of the parm and bread crumbs across the top. Bake for about 15 to 20 minutes or until the topping is golden and the cheese sauce is bubbly.  Finish with a drizzle of truffle oil.  Note: You can add portobella mushrooms to this dish as well; just saute with the sauce. 


Enjoy this rich and decadent dish with a glass of Sangiovese and some mood music, or even a fail-proof chick flick.  You will impress yourself, and hell, you might even trick someone into thinking you know what the eff you're doing.  


-Stephanie