Get Down with the Sickness

I am almost positive you have missed me; I would apologize for my absence, but apologies are not my forte. So, sorry I'm not sorry, because I have been sick.  

2 words: Birth. Control.

That's right, kiddos; I've been coughing, hacking, wheezing, and bitching for over a week now, with no end in sight.  A special shout-out to all of you ridiculous carrier-monkeys that necessitate going out and spreading your germs just to do some Christmas shopping, or letting your booger-nosed brat cough all over everything whilst hanging out of a grocery cart like some tribal jungle-dwelling heathen. 

Yeaaaa, so I am a bit touchy and pouty, and after my umpteenth gatorade and Mucinex cocktail, I could not help but wonder what the damn truth is about the relationship between what you eat and drink while you feel like a giant bag of buttholes.


For one, I have heard from nearly every reliable source that hydration is important while battling whatever ails you.  Getting enough fluids evidently thins your...ew.... mucus, and can lessen congestion.  Sick of sport drinks and that hippie herbal tea garbage?  Why not a popsicle?! Look for one's that are 100% juice.  Usually I would tell you how easy it would be to make them, but you probably feel like a turd and couldn't fathom getting all Martha Stewart about a damn popsicle. duh.  (But for the record, it is easy.)


So another common theme in fighting the crud is CHICKEN SOUP.  Holy Zeus, if one more dumb dumb tells me to "go home and eat some chicken noodle soup," then I will cram a Cambell's can up that joker's poop-cutter.  But in all fairness, some science-dorks have done tests that show that chicken soup may help with healing and have mild anti-inflammatory effects. Studies have found that hot chicken soup can improve the ability of cilia, the tiny hair-like parts of the nasal passages, to protect the body from bacteria and viruses.  How, I do not know.  I'm a baker, not Bill Nye.

I do have a few other gems up my snot-covered sleeve:

-Garlic supposedly has antimicrobial and immune-stimulating properties and may give you slight relief from congestion.  

Ginger (get your mind outa the gutter)

-Ginger is good for nausea (hence the ole gingerale hangover thing that I may or may not have tested a time or fifty).  
-Following what some call the BRAT diet (ie eating very plain basic food like a little brat) is good for upset stomachs.  
-Should you not be tired of tea...... green, oolong, and black tea offer disease-fighting antioxidants. And breathing in the steam can help relieve congestion. Add a spoonful of honey and a squeeze of lemon to help soothe a sore throat. Fight the urge to add whiskey.  It's counter-productive, and probably why I still feel like I do.
-I would also recommend a meal replacement drink if you are having a difficult time eating. 

I hope you're not scrolling for a recipe; you ain't gunna find it, bucko.  You're sick!  Stay outa the damn kitchen!  Have mom, sis, or that person with whom you've been philandering go to the grocery store and load up on some of the previously-mentioned items.  But momma's not gunna leave you totally hanging: tell that skank while she's out to grab you some soup from somewhere on the following list.


GANGSTA CHICKEN SOUPS


-Beauty Shop's BoBo's Jewish Chicken Noodle Soup (yuuuuuum)
-20/20 Diner's (on Madison in Midtown) Chicken Noodle Soup

.... with a soda on the side

-Ryu Sushi Bar's (Summer Ave.  Sketchy, I know, but good) Chicken Udon Soup
-Guss' Fried Chicken's Chicken Noodle Soup
-Jasmine's (Cooper/Young) Coconut Soup (Tell them to add chicken.  This soup is supa rad.)


So sit back on that couch, hydrate, lube up with some vapor rub, and start feeling well enough to go back out there and get back to that souless grind known as the "holidays".


-Stephanie