If You're Going to Be a Tool, Be the Sharpest Knife in the Drawer

The dumbest rational I hear whilst in someone else's kitchen is the following: "I don't have a really sharp knife because they are dangerous."  Um, hey, there, Bucko... know what's one of the most dangerous/rookie mistakes you can make? Hacking away with a dull knife. duh. Get with it.

FAIL

So remember my buddy Ken Lumpkin? You don't? Well, go back and read all my previous entries, ya jerk.  Ken has been a knife wielding sushi ninja since he was, like, a toddler.  "A dull knife is a really easy way to hurt yourself.  It's also an easy way to wear out your shoulder and back if you are doing a lot of cutting."  No, you emo loser, not like the "My Chemical Romance"-listening type of cutting; I am talking about everything from chopping, dicing, and slicing.  A good, sharp knife is an INVESTMENT.  It makes you the most efficient you can be while doing your prep work.  One smooth, precise cut is way radder than one trillion hacks with that knife your mom gave you because your kitchen drawer looks pathetic.


Dig this: if you are frantically sawing with a dull knife with tons of pressure, don't you think a slip (which is a million times more probable with that kind of action) would be harder to heal? DUH. It is.  Trust me: I've been cut both ways. When cutting fish, you need the sharpest knife available; fish is tough to cut, son.  So don't go hacking at it with some bo bo off-brand dull knife.  Well then, what to buy? Lemme learn you...again:



First of all, you need to decide how much you want to spend, and on what type of material.  Carbon steel is the easiest to sharpen, and it holds an edge the longest (ie stays sharp, dipwad).  However, they are super prone to rust, so only buy this knife if you are going to keep mucho care of it and not be a dumb dinosaur by putting it in the dishwasher.  Stainless steel can, in most cases, be less expensive and still keep a wicked edge. However, the cheaper you go, the less the edge-retention is.  Laminated knives are a love-child combo of the two materials, but in some cases they can corrode more easily because they can be a bit softer.  Ceramic is like the hip new kid in school: they hold an edge longest of all.  Mine has help a really sharp edge for, like, 6 months without sharpening.  But don't drop the bastard, because they will chip mega easily.  AND they are wicked hard to sharpen correctly.

My suggestion?  Tell William-Sonoma to suck it and go to a chef supply store, like the Chef Supply and Design Store on N. Hollywood.  They have people in the know there, and they are always happy to help.  Also, brands like Wuesthof, Henckels, Global, and Shun always have good pieces, and you can find them online. Just do me a favor and start off with a true Chef's Knife.  They are super versatile. 

Anatomy of a Chef Knife, son!

Alright, now I'ma learn you how to hold it and cut with it.  Most chefs prefer to grip the handle, with all four fingers and the thumb gathered underneath.  You will hear or see of some holding the blade itself.  Don't try that, playa, because it's a technique that is for precision pros only.  Sometimes I'll have my thumb by or on the blunt end right beyond the bolster, but that's because I'm gangsta.  Now, instead of getting all Dexter on your food, have the handle raising up and down with your stokes while the tip remains in contact with the (MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER, PLEASE) cutting board and the food is pushed under the blade.

Now clean the damn thing after every use, and, again, not by a dishwasher.  Do it carefully by hand.  When you dry it, have the blade facing away from your hand, and watch what you're doing, chump.  It's a knife.  

Now how do you sharpen it?  Well, watch this ridiculous-looking yatch show you how:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JTItez201Fg&feature=fvst

Now look at you! Don't you look like a pro! Now don't go postal and stab your boyfriend and blame your excellent knife skills on that bitchy blogger.


-Stephanie